Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
And my parents said I crawled through the house
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Randomize
