Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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