I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
