Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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