coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
