I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
