She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
