I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
