i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
