i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
