The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My feet surprised me
Randomize
