ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
