I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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