One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
The police scanner is talking about you again....
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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