When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
