He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just threw up on my dentist
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My liver just had a heart attack.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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