but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
