currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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