people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
