We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
