Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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