Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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