Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.

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  (805): peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees. http://tfl.nu/j4sn
  Replies (11) Good night (2614) Bad night (606)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.

  (740): View more from Ohio

  i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..

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  (614): good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut. (740): i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck.. http://tfl.nu/ltlc
  Replies (37) Good night (5338) Bad night (1199)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants

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  (904): the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants http://tfl.nu/u4r0
  Replies (7) Good night (5996) Bad night (704)
• Favorite

  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.

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  (330): I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical. http://tfl.nu/0rx8
  Replies (16) Good night (6709) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (207): View more from Maine

  Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.

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  (207): Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father. http://tfl.nu/7nfw
  Replies (49) Good night (1582) Bad night (13861)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll

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  (608): just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll http://tfl.nu/nron
  Replies (10) Good night (1309) Bad night (3111)
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".

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  (313): well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory". http://tfl.nu/k9y0
  Replies (12) Good night (2552) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office

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  (217): the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office http://tfl.nu/i7an
  Replies (18) Good night (2817) Bad night (2399)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.

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  (+61): she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth. http://tfl.nu/joaz
  Replies (3) Good night (1325) Bad night (754)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced

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  (509): He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced http://tfl.nu/0gfy
  Replies (7) Good night (1609) Bad night (619)
• Favorite

  (580): View more from Oklahoma

  There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...

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  (580): There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber... http://tfl.nu/bvkz
  Replies (7) Good night (1237) Bad night (577)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels

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  (423): You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels http://tfl.nu/y9c9
  Replies (5) Good night (1121) Bad night (374)
• Favorite

  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.

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  (814): You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios. http://tfl.nu/hqlk
  Replies (3) Good night (334) Bad night (445)
• Favorite

  (212): View more from New York

  No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?

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  (212): No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe? http://tfl.nu/wrdf
  Replies (0) Good night (455) Bad night (338)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.

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  (315): So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose. http://tfl.nu/648d
  Replies (1) Good night (296) Bad night (730)

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