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• (636): View more from Missouri

  I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up

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• (415): View more from California

  had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.

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• 

  19 Parents Admit the Lies They’ve Told Their Children

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (917): View more from New York City

  I just don't do feelings in the summer months.

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• (217): View more from Illinois

  I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.

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• (701): View more from North Dakota

  I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.

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• (970): View more from Colorado

  he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.

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• 

  21 Worst Confessions on a First Date

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (815): View more from Illinois

  I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.

  (217): View more from Illinois

  But your showmanship is impeccable.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  Why can't burritos get me drunk

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• (919): View more from North Carolina

  He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?

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• (386): View more from Florida

  just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me

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• (815): View more from Illinois

  Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.

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