so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.