he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
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He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Drake has all the answers
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family