Texts From Last Night

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  (209): View more from California

  I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.

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  (209): I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans. http://tfl.nu/8x3v
  Replies (8) Good night (680) Bad night (1179)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later

  (410): View more from Maryland

  I knew I liked you

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  (202): I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later (410): I knew I liked you http://tfl.nu/yvq5
  Replies (37) Good night (4307) Bad night (450)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Did we use protection last night?

  (1-780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Um, no...keep in touch, okay?

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  (780): Did we use protection last night? (1-780): Um, no...keep in touch, okay? http://tfl.nu/2myc
  Replies (46) Good night (1157) Bad night (14761)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.

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  (248): My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while. http://tfl.nu/9oye
  Replies (8) Good night (3883) Bad night (644)
• Favorite

  (314): View more from Missouri

  There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.

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  (314): There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already. http://tfl.nu/afo0
  Replies (14) Good night (4758) Bad night (881)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.

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  (401): Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic. http://tfl.nu/24zg
  Replies (10) Good night (1549) Bad night (1403)
• Favorite

  (808): View more from Hawaii

  To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.

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  (808): To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer. http://tfl.nu/dw2q
  Replies (27) Good night (2971) Bad night (697)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.

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  (979): Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything. http://tfl.nu/jcb8
  Replies (4) Good night (1953) Bad night (496)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.

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  (607): Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan. http://tfl.nu/ogj8
  Replies (0) Good night (858) Bad night (417)
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  (347): View more from New York

  we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now

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  (347): we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now http://tfl.nu/ncyn
  Replies (3) Good night (467) Bad night (895)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.

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  (479): Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine. http://tfl.nu/rrcc
  Replies (3) Good night (1829) Bad night (550)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??

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  (801): Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think?? http://tfl.nu/0ul5
  Replies (6) Good night (657) Bad night (323)
• Favorite

  (434): View more from Virginia

  I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.

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  (434): I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories. http://tfl.nu/op72
  Replies (6) Good night (2035) Bad night (315)
• Favorite

  (813): View more from Florida

  The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  What? How can you say that? You won!

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  (813): The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before. (1-813): What? How can you say that? You won! http://tfl.nu/a7ws
  Replies (5) Good night (750) Bad night (210)
• Favorite

  (251): View more from Alabama

  Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me

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  (251): Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me http://tfl.nu/bz24
  Replies (1) Good night (445) Bad night (204)

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