What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
