We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
a search helicopter?!
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
