I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
