I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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