just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
please come you make the beer taste better
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
