I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
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What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
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On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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