I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
