What did we do last night that was yellow?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
