New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
