Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
