I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
