Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he was CRYING into my vagina
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Randomize
