dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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