I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
