I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
