Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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