He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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