I accidentally had phone sex last night
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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