Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
