my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
