Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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