It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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