you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
