had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
