there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
