i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
