I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
