I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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