i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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