I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
