I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
