Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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