Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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