I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
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