Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
