also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
