capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
false alarm, still single
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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