we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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