I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
