I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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