Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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