Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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