The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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