College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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