The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
