I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
