he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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