that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
