This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
