All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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