just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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