why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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