Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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