Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
