Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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